


Shards

by sharkgriffin



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Depression, Drug Use, F/M, Fantasy, Megstiel - Freeform, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-26
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-10 03:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 22,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1154477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkgriffin/pseuds/sharkgriffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyday of her childhood, Meg Masters was visited by a stranger with blue eyes. He always looked different but she always knew it was him. Now she's a teenager, alone at school and grieving over the deaths of her parents when that stranger reappears. And he's on the run...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blue

**Author's Note:**

> I'll change the tags when I update the story.

He came every day. That's what she likes to believe anyway. Sometimes, as she stares at the cracks in her bedroom ceiling, trying to fall asleep, she wonders if he was there at the beginning. A nurse rushes the new born baby down the corridors, into a room full of other screaming infants. She starts to cry as she is lowered into her cradle, not wanting to miss out on the fun, and the nurse looks into her eyes. His are blue and she knows straight away. Maybe he was a teacher at preschool or a friendly waiter at one of those fancy restaurants her mom so loved to take her to. But she doesn't remember.

The first time she can remember she was 4. Or maybe 5. The age isn't important. She thinks it was October, still warm enough to spend after preschool hours in the park and that was exactly where she was. Lilith Masters was as busy then as she was last year and payed for careless babysitters to look after her daughter. That was probably around the period she had Katie or Rose. As Katie/Rose lay under a tree, studying for her History test while listenin gto Beyonce on her ipod, she had pushed herself on the swings, trying to go as high as possible.

'I'm a fairy!' the little voice in her head squealed. 'I'm a bird, I'm an angel, I'm_' Suddenly she let go, no longer flying but falling. She hit the ground with such an incredible force for a girl of a young age and dark hair fell over her eyes. Something sticky smudged on her knee. She felt like crying but she bit her lip and kept it in. The playground had been practically empty, in fact completely empty apart from her and Katie/Rose, who was still nodding her head to the music with her lips slightly parted. And then the boy appeared outof nowhere. She had not even heard him arrive. He rested his hand on her shoulder and she twisted her head round. He was 12 or 13 but tall for his age with pale skin and blonde hair. He helped her up.

"You'll be fine," he said with no introduction. He bent down and inspected her knee. "It's just a scratch. It should stop bleeding soon." Then he reached into the bag, slung over his shoulder, and took out a plaster like he had known that someone would get hurt today. She smiled at saviour, saw his blue eyes. Somehow, they didn't fit in his face. They were too big, almost, and such a strange, dark shade. She knew them, she'd seen them before, they were burned into her young soul. She was about to tell her name when a voice called from behind her.

"Megan, Megan!" Katie/Rose ran up behind her and grabbed her arm. "Come on. Your mom wants you home by 4." She dragged her off without saying goodbye. He came everyday after that. She recognised him every time, whether he was the kindly painter who came to paint her bedroom and let her help or if he was the teenaged boy who worked in the movie theater and gave her extra popcorn. These little acts of kindness kept her going everyday. All his hostswere different ages, different races, but they had one thing in common. They were all male which allowed her give him a gender.

 

On Christmas Eve when she was in kindergarten, her mom came home from buying the turkey and she sat and showed her young daughter 'It's A Wonderful Life', along with her 10 year old sister, Ruby. Although she almost fell asleep at some points while Ruby complained that it was "so old," she began to think of her special friend, who up until that point she had called 'the boy with the blue eyes,' as an angel like the one in the movie. She nicknamed him Clarence. She talked a lot about Clarence to her parents. To be honest, they didn't really seem to care. They assumed he was an imaginary friend and went along with it. Each night at dinner, they would serve up an extra plate of food and pull up a seat at the table, pretending they could see him. Because, even though they thought she was a bit old to have imaginary friends, they thought it was sweet.

 

A few weeks before her 8th birthday, her mom said it was warm enough outside that she could go and have a tea party with Clarence. Of course, she knew he wouldn't want a tea party, she was not into her dolls anymore but she didn't argue, and her mom brought a picnic blanket down to the end of the garden and laid out places for each stuffed bear and china doll with a little plastic plate and tea cup, each. Then she left her to do some work. Megan was impatient. He was later today then normal, when a soccer ball came flying over the fence and narrowly missed her head. Seconds later, a boy with wavy brown hair that fell over his eyes, emerged and swung his leg over. He was her age roughly and, instinctively, she knew it was him. "Clarence," she called, delighted. He didn't react. She'd been calling him that for months now. That was one of the other clues to how she knew it was him. This time, he didn't speak, he just came and sat down behind her, almost flattening Pinky the unicorn, a Christmas present from Aunt Casey which she pretended to like so as not to upset her.

"I came to get my ball," he said and then lay down as she recounted her day to him. She was just serving him a slice of cake when Megan's mom came back down and looked shocked to see this boy here.

"Megan, what are you doing? Never mind." She swiped her hands at Clarence. "Go, out. Get out now." He picked up his ball and hurriedly scrambled over the fence. She shook her head over her daughter, so so ashamed of her, and brought her back inside.

 

When she was 9, their dad got a two weeks off work during Summer vacation and he drove them up to California, to go to Disneyland. For the whole journey, Ruby, now 12, texted friends about how excited she was. By now she was one of the most popular girls in 6th grade with a whole new batch of middle school friends. However, Meg screamed the whole way, what if Clarence couldn't find her today? Her mom told her to be quiet, Clarence was sitting in between them in the backseat, but he shook his head.

"He's not here," she said, angrily. "And he won't be able to find me."

"Grow up you baby," said Ruby. "Clarence isn't real and you're 9 years old." But Megan cried and cried.

"Megan, this is the first holiday we've had in years. Look at your sister. She's happy. We're going to Disneyland. Be grateful. And if I hear one more mention of Clarence, then I'm taking you to see someone." Her father did not participate in the argument at all but then again, he was probably afraid of his wife. As it turns out, Clarence was there. The receptionist in the hotel. And then the next day, he was a boy in the queue to Space Mountain and the day after, the man who ran the ice cream stall. She carried on seeing him but this time she kept it quiet from her mom.

 

She didn't mention Clarence, did not draw a single picture of him like she used to. She didn't even tell her friends. But she still believed. In fact, she manage to keep it all in for nearly a year but then came her birthday. On the morning of 25th June, she got up and stared out of the window. She wasn't 10 yet as she kindly reminded everyone every birthday when they said happy birthday to her in the morning. She had been born at 12.33pm which was why she had convinced her mom that the party must start at 1. After receiving a promotion at work, Mrs Masters had bought all the most expensive party decorations she could get and hired a professional baker for the cake. She invited some girls from Megan's school too, not any of her friends because she didn't approve of them but, instead, the girls who's parents she knew. As the party started, she waited by the window, wondering when Clarence would arrive. Her mom asked her what she was waiting for but she refused to tell her. The day went on with childish games her mom had organised, but she could barely concentrate, waiting for him to arrive. The cake came out and she blew out the candles and wished for Clarence to come but still nothing happened. At 4, the doorbell ran and her heart lit up. She rushed to the door but it was only her dad, back from work early.

"How's my little girl?" He scooped her up into his arms and she tried to hold back tears. When the girls were gone, she watched through the front window. Again her mother asked what was wrong and again, she refused to answer. Hours went by but she would not go to bed. At some point, her mom squeezed the truth out of her, and came to the conclusion that something was wrong with her.

"Megan, this is enough," she began to cry as Megan woke up screaming for Clarence for the third night in a row. Megan grew tired and sleepless. She scribbled pictures of him everywhere. Her mother kept her from leaving the house at all over Summer vacation. Eventually, it got to the stage where she called in a psychologist. It was a fantasy world. That's what he told Megan. Mrs Masters called in a better babysitter, older than the others and more experienced. She let Megan cut her hair, choose her own clothes as the psychologist suggested she may have invented him because she didn't feel free enough.

By the time the new school year started, Clarence was just a distant memory.


	2. Black

Bad news. That's what spread across the two police officers' faces. Megan (now shortened to Meg) could read people. It was all about the body languge, whether their pupils were dilated, if they could meet your eye. Missouri, her babysitter ("Why do I need a babysitter? I'm sixteen," she constantly argued to her mom) taught her how to do it. As well as looking after Meg and her sister Ruby, up until the point where Ruby went to college just over a year ago, she ran a small palm reading shop in the center of town because she claims to be a psychic. And she makes the best apple pies in the state, a quote often used by various parents at local markets.

It happened on a Thursday. Meg came home from shopping at the mall with Jo, Charlie and Tessa. Like usual, both her parents were away, something about a conference in New York, and Missouri was looking after her, even though she would have been even if they weren't away. They were coming back tonight.

Meg came through the door just after 7 to find Missouri scooping macaroni cheese into two bowls. As they sat down at the table, the usual parent conversation after school started. It was something like this:

 **Missouri:** How was school?

 **Meg:** Fine.

 **Missouri:** How were your friends?

 **Meg:** OK.

 **Missouri:** Do you have homework?

 **Meg:** Yes.

Meg pushed her cream covered pasta around with her fork. Her dark hair fell over her eyes and she brushed it back. When she was younger, it used to go all the way down to her waist and when she was allowed to have it shorter, she cut it all the way to her ears, simply because she enjoyed the new found freedom. Now she was growing it back and it just brushed her shoulders.

"You need to eat something child. You're all skin and bone," said Missouri.

"I'm not hungry."

"But we both know that's not true."

Meg grinned. This woman knew her better than she knew herself.

"Don't worry about your parents. They'll be back soon. Your mommy probably just found some wall panelling which she just _had to have. But it was mahogany,_ " she said in such a perfect imitation of Mrs Masters' voice that the food spluttered from Meg's mouth as she tried to hold back her laughter. A sharp ping came from outside, signalling the doorbell.

"Speak of the Devil."

"I'll get it," Meg called, springing up from her chair and running to the door.

Suddenly, everything became a blur. Red and blue lights flashed in her face, blinding her. And two police officers stood on the doorstep. The first was shorter and had a bushy moustache that soaked up the nervous sweat that was being gathered from his forehead. He held his hat between both hands in the manner that people do at funerals. The other was tall and staring down at the ground, that extra distance below him, watching as his muddy boots messed up the newly washed carpet.

She had an idea of why they were there. It was flashing through her brain just like the lights from the officers' car but she pushed it to a dark room on the back of her head and locked it away.

"Ruby Masters?" the one with the moustache asked.

"No I'm Megan." She tried her hardest to stop her voice from shaking.

"Could we speak to_"

"What's going on?" Missouri said, appearing in the doorway behind her.

"Ms Mosely? Could we speak to you alone, inside?"

"No, whatever you have to say, you can tell her!"

"Ms Mosely, please calm do_"

"Come inside, and take those boots off."

Both of them obeyed her and wiped their shoes before following her through the kitchen and to the living room. Meg saw her macaroni cheese, still warm in its bowl and suddenly felt like eating. Maybe it was a nerves thing. Both of them sat on the sofa, leaving no wrong for either Missouri or Meg.

"If you even think about putting your feet on my coffee table, I'm gonna whack you with a spoon."

Both officers looked at each other, nervously, and then the tall one began to speak.

"Ms Mosely, your employers, Mr and Mrs Masters were returning from a conference tonight?"

"Yes and they're damn late!"

"Ms Mosely, if I may ask you to listen!"

"I have a life. I don't want to wait for them to haul their asses over here to look after their daughter for once!"

Meg gave her a warning look to shut her up but she carried on with her rant.

"There was a crash," Moustache said, rather plainly. "On the interstate on their way back.

Missouri's mouth formed a small 'O'.

"Are they alright?"

"Mr Masters was killed on impact. The wheel collided with his chest and crushed it. Mrs Masters died on the way to hospital. It happened this morning. I'm sorry it took so long to get the news to you."

 

And that's how it happened.  Meg didn't cry. She should have expected this. Her parents were awful drivers after all. But although she didn't cry, she was filled with a deep sadness, that morphed everything around her.

They went to the funeral. Only a select group of people came, family and a few close friends. Ruby returned from college. She did cry. She stood as close to the graves as possible and cried as they lowered the coffins in. Then, they were gone forever. Luke and Lilith Masters, they no longer existed. Meg did not get to see their faces again. The morticians said they would not want to, they were too bashed up and bloody. The skies were still sunny as it was only early September and to rain would be incredibly strange. But she felt like they should have, just to mourn for her poor parents. And as Missouri, now assigned as her guardian, stood beside her, she asked:

"Why must we wear black at funerals? Why not white or red or blue? Why is black th saddest color? I mean, you're one of the happiest people I know. I think it's racist."

Missouri laughed then remembered she wasn't supposed to.

"Save these questions for later, child," she whispered in Meg's ear.

The service in church was worse, people talking about what wonderful people they had been. They didn't know them! People kept telling her how sorry they all were and she brushed them aside. They had not discovered the will yet but it was expected that a large sum would be split between their two daughters while the rest would go to various family members and charities. When the money was hers, she would be sure to give at least a third to Missouri.

Then came school. Missouri said she did not have to go, and for the first few days, she lay on her bed in her room painted electric blue, her favorite color, and drew out her fashionable creations. Finally, she braved it. Once, she had had friends, you could even have called her popular, but now, everyone avoided her eyes. Some days, she worked hard in class, others she just wished that things had gone different. She sat on her own table in the canteen and went straight home once the bell rang at 3.30.

 

That was three months ago, now.

It was in that period before Christmas, those few weeks where you're in the Christmas spirit, even though you still have many days yet, when you walk ddown the streets with the chill on your face and the fake snow in the store windows, when everywhere you look, Christmas lights hang from streetlamps and songs with bells ringing in the background go in each ear.

Meg's day was always the same, arriving at school and avoiding people. Being invisible, that was her special skill.

On that day, a few weeks before the Christmas vacation, she sat at her same old table in the canteen. It was in the very corner, by a door that constantly opened and shut with arriving teachers, making it the least welcoming for the different friendship groups. Occasionally, she glanced over at her ex-friends, all the way over at the other end of the hall. Charlie was standing up and talking loudly and Pamela turned around, offering her a smile before joining the conversation again.

At the sound of footsteps, Meg twisted her head as Sam Winchester came and sat beside him. In elementary school, they had been friends, maybe you could call them best friends, but as middle school arrived, they drifted apart, either because you were considered to be dating if girls hung out with boys when they were over the age of 11, or possible it was bcause Sam got a crush on Ruby so was embarrassed to come anywhere near the house. Now he was dating Jessica Moore, another of her ex-friends.

"Hey Meg."

"Hey," she nodded at him.

He unwrapped a Hershey's toffee bar and split it in half. He held the bigger half out to her.

"Take it," he said.

She hesitated then grabbed it from his hand and took a large bite.

"Good isn't it?"

"I don't want your charity, Sam. I'm not homeless."

He did not answer.

"So, what's it like?"

"What's what like?"

"You know, your parents and the car crash?" He tried to say it with sympathy in his voice but he just made it worse.

Meg dragged her chair away from him.

"You know, if you ever want to talk, you can always come to me," he said, more hushed this time.

It was too much. He meant well but it felt like he was almost looking down on her (even though he was barely taller than her)

"Leave me alone," she shouted at him, though she in fact shouted something ruder, and he scurried away to his table of nerdy friends.

Agian, she considered Missouri's suggestion.

"Go on sweetheart, go outside and make friends like you used to. You deserve a social life," she had said many times over dinner to the Meg still growing in pain. But that could never happen. She had no one who truly cared about her, for who she was. Missouri was payed to love her, Ruby born into it, and Sam had to, it was just natural when someone was grieving. And all she thought of every night in her room with a million eyes, was how something or someone, was missing.


	3. Red

Meg walked up the familiar gravel path to her house, as Missouri and one of her regulars, came out of the front door. "Don't worry, Mr Lawrence. You're wife's _still_ crazy about you. Now, that will be ten dollars."

Mr Lawrence rummaged around in his pocket, and removed a ten dollar bill which Missouri plucked from between his two fingers with a glint of greed in one eye. Meg approached her and once Mr Lawrence had turned the corner, she began to speak.

"Poor bastard. His woman's cold-bangin' the gardener."

"Maybe you should tell him the truth." said Meg as she crossed into the living room.

"He hasn't come for the truth, he comes for good news."

"You've been going along with this story for weeks now. It will only be worse when he finds out," Meg said in a teasing voice.

"The old Meg would have agreed with me."

"Maybe I am the old Meg. Maybe I've just grown up a bit."`

"Sure dear, you've grown up." She looked thoughtful for a moment as she tried to come up with an arguement to prove her point but there was nothing. Meg truly had grown up. Caught up in her own thoughts, she turned to see a head of brown hair, hurrying upstairs with a pack of cookies tucked under one arm.

"Oh, by the way, Megs." She used her nickname for her. "Your sister called. She wants to talk to you."

"Yeah, uh...maybe I'll skype her later," came the muffled reply.

"Megan Rachel Masters, you talk to your sister right now. I'm not having you shutting out your own flesh and blood like you are with your friends. Mary called today."

Meg turned her head. "Mary? Mary who?"

"Mary Winchester, Sam's mom. Apparently you swore at Sam today."

"Wow, I swore at him. That must be a strange thing to hear at a highschool." Her voice oozed with sarcasm. "He wants to be a lawyer, he's gonna have to get used to that kind of thing." She popped a cookie in her mouth and began to munch on it. "Fine, I'll talk to her."

She slammed the door to her bedroom, hard, and opened her laptop at her desk. Her wall was a sea of memories, over her bed, she had all her fashion designs, ranging from casual t-shirts to prom dresses. She had wanted to be a fashion designer, working for one of the big, designer companies in New York City, and Lilith Masters had been happy for her daughter to try to achieve that goal and had pushed her and inspired her. Now, it felt kind of pointless.

She had dedicated the back wall mostly to music and movies, it was a collage of concert tickets in a star shaped pattern with a few posters in the middle.

On her next wall, she had a noticeboard like one you might find in a school with photos of her and her friends, the time they went out for milkshakes, Jess' birthday party and just one with her family. The day her and her family went to Disneyland when she was 9. One time when they were all happy as a family with her mom keeping her in place by holding her shoulders, and a forced smile on her heavily made up face. A boy stood in the background, glancing up for a moment as the camera had flashed but that's just how it is. At a place like Disneyland, it's almost impossible to have a photo with only your family.

And then there was the final wall. She left it completely clear for some reason unknown to her. Last year, when Ruby helped her decorate the room before she left for college, she suggested putting up inspirational quotes but Meg said no. She wanted a clear view of the blueness of the wall, it calmed her, that azure, electirc blue, made her feel at peace.

 

"Hey, Rubes," she said as Ruby's face popped up on screen. Her sister's hair was covered with a towel, not revealing a single strand of hair. Meg suspected she was trying to wash out the last of the blonde hair dye. After returning from college in the Summer holidays, caked in make up with the exact same hairstyle as Lilith, their mother had been proud and told her how beautiful she was but Missouri just muttered in the corner. Maybe looking in the mirror every morning and seeing what looked like a younger version of your dead mom, was too much for her.

"Megs!" Ruby called out. She forced a smile to her face and wiped the area under her eyes which Meg noticed was smudged with mascara. She had been crying.

"Excited?" Meg asked, copying her sister. "You're coming home in less than two weeks!"

"Yeah. But two weeks is a long time. Tomorrow, we have a two hour lecture with Professor Boredom."

Meg smiled as she remembered Ruby's nickname for Professor Bardem, one of the head professors of History.

"I have to make notes for next week's final exam and then we don't find out the results until next semester. How's things for you?"

"Same old, same old. Textiles is getting really hard now and we had a test French paper, yesterday."

"Well, I'm sure you did well. You're a lot cleverer than you let on Megan," she said in a slightly exaggerated voice that was meant to sound like Mrs Lloyd, the English teacher, but just reminded her of her mom. "So, I'll see you and Sam, next Saturday."

"Me and Sam? What?"

"Didn't Missouri tell you? She's busy when you have to pick me up and, no offense sis, but you're one of the shittiest drivers I've ever seen. So, she arranged with Sam's mom for him to drive you there."

"Oh, yeah, it's coming back to me now. She did tell me. OK, see you." Meg shut the screen down. "Missouri!" She raced down the stairs. Why did you tell Ruby that I'm going with Sam? And why didn't you tell me?"

The woman emerged from the kitchen. "Oh, sweetheart, I thought it would be nice for you to spend some time with your friends and his mommy is such a lovely woman. Anyway, maybe you could get back together."

"We never dated!" said Meg, annoyed.

"Don't get all hot headed. I'm making chilli tonight and if you're like that, your skull will heat up so much that you'll explode. You're going with Sam and that's final. Now go and get washed up for dinner."

 

Meg sat in the front seat of Sam's car. An awkward silence filled the air between them. It wasn't actually Sam's car. It belonged to his brother. "A 1967 Chevy Impala," Dean Winchester had told her one time, a few years ago, when she went round to Sam's house. Dean was very proud of it and not at all keen on her or the Masters family, especially not on Ruby.

Sam clutched the wheel tightly between his hands and kept his hazel eyes fixed on the road. Every few seconds, he woul turn it just a fraction of a centimeter, just to keep himself distracted.

"Sam, I'm sorry about what I said to you," said Meg, breaking the deafening silence.

"It's fine. I don't want to talk about it." Sam still refused to make eye contact with her.

"Sam_"

"Save it. You're not really sorry."

"Well if you're gonna throw a toddler tantrum every time_"

"You just don't get it, do you? I'm not angry about you being rude to me that one time. You're rude to everyone. You have people, friends, who want to help you, who can help you, and all you do is shut them out. You walk round like you couldn't care less but inside, you're just a scared little girl!"

Meg began to laugh in that way you do when someone's hurt you badly, just as a way to stop yourself crying. "Why are you being such a dick to me?"

"Why are you being such a bitch?!"

She jerked back as his words slapped her hard in the face. She dragged herself as close to the window as she could and twisted her head away, looking desperately for something else to focus on but, no matter how hard she wished for his words to fade away, she knew he was right. She hated to admit it but he was right.

 Sam drove her into the college carpark and nodded, his only sign that he was aware she was even there and probably the last interaction the two of them would have in a while. She climbed out and pushed through a crowd of eager looking students, all around Ruby's age, each talking excitedly to their friends while dragging along suitcases. By their clothes and the way their hair was professionly cut, and just from an air about them, she could tell they all came from rich and proud families, similar to how the Masters had been just over three months ago. She just remembered the way to Ruby's room, which she shared with a girl named Bela from London, from the last time she came here, and she mapped out the route in her head.

Heading up a flight of stairs, she collided with a group of more girls, who smiled, almost kindly, and stepped to the side. They giggled as they carried on down the stairs and she heard something along the lines of how cute she was. Meg scowled. She was 16 and not even 5ft 4". Not quite.

Ruby's room was one of the first on the left and Meg had to push her ear against the door to make sure she wasn't interrupting _something_ (wouldn't be the first time that happened with her sister), before gently knocking. There was the sound of a TV on in the background, which quickly lowered, and then footsteps before the door was pulled open. Ruby leaned against the wall, dressed in an oversized skull t-shirt and jeans. Ruby had liked to dress in dark colors for the last few years now. It was less goth, more of a rock star look and she still put care into her appearance. At least up until now. There was a big ketchup stain down the middle and she wore far less make up than normal (but still tons of mascara). Her dark brown hair fell on her shoulders in small waves with only a few blonde streaks leftover. Her face lit up when she saw Meg and she rushed forwards and hugged her.

"I missed you," Ruby said after they had been like that for about ten seconds.

"I missed you too." They pulled away.

"How's Missouri? I hope she's not making you work too hard."

"Missouri's just her usual happy self. Well, as happy as she can be if...you know what I mean." Meg broke off, realising what she was about to say. Ruby understood too, and quickly changed the subject.

"So, Mr Lawrence is still visiting her every week."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure he's so desperate, he'll believe anything."

"Well come in. I've almost finished packing. Bela's already gone." Meg followed the older Masters girl into her living room which was slowly emptying out. A paper bag of unfinished fries, Ruby's favorite, sat cold on the coffee table, and Ruby proceeded by shoving them in the trash can. The corner of a small box poked from her suitcase and Ruby quickly stuffed it back in when Meg caught sight of it.

"So, I'll probably be another five minutes. You just uh make yourself at home, I guess. Oh, I almost forgot, I've got chocolate chip cookies. Help yourself." After not having eaten anything all day, Meg hurried to the counter and took two cookies from the packet. She heard light footsteps behind her like they didn't want to know they were there, and she wondered if Ruby was trying to sneak up on her.

"Where is he?" someone snarled in a voice far too vicious for her sister.

"What?" Meg questioned and turned. Ruby stood right in front of her, almost trapping her, with a cheese knife gripped in her left hand, and her teeth bared. But even that couldn't terrify her as much as what she saw when she looked at those normally brown eyes that she knew so well, for they were black. And not just black as in the iris. The whole eyeball was a pit of darkness.

"Ruby, are you crazy? What are you doing?" Meg felt a tear fall onto her eyelash in fear

"I said, where is he?" the thing that wore her sister's face growled again. It sliced the air and Meg dodged but it cut into her shoulder and she winced. She ran into the kitchen and dived under the table, but the creature was fast and dragged her out. She screamed as she was held by the waist, just hoping that someone would hear her. Meg kicked out, taking pride for once in her self defense classes, as her foot struck where it hurt and she was dropped to the floor, along with the knife, and both of them made a scramble for it but Meg reached it first. As the cold of the blade slid across her hand, and cradling one shoulder with the other arm, she stood up as the monster approached her.

"Where is he?" it practically shrieked and Meg plunged the blade into the sister that was no longer her sister's arm. It cried out but the pain barely seemed to register on the borrowed face. It was the type of scream you would make if you got a papercut, barely any pain at all. Then, it tilted Ruby's head and pulled the knife out from beneath the skin. Blood and chunks of muscle clung to the sharp end but the being didn't care as blood trickled down the skin it wore. Meg ran from the kitchn/living room and to the bedroom that Ruby and Bela shared, with the creature right behind. It's eyes had returned to brown.

"Come on Megs. You can tell me. You can tell me anything." She hated the way it twisted Ruby's voice. That body didn't belong to it.

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Her voice came out low as she threw a hardback book at its head. It spat a clump of blood on the carpet and grinned, showing red in those perfect teeth.

"Come on, Megan. This is starting to get fun," it taunted. Meg felt the anger rise in her and her hand found the next thing on the desk; a lamp. With all her might, she flung it, and the body went down, knocked out or worse, with chunks of glass embedded in the back of her head. Meg looked cautiously around the ruined bedroom and back to her Ruby's limp silhouette on the floor. What had she done?


	4. Yellow

Meg pulled the yellow blanket tighter over her shoulder. Why give them a blanket? They say it's for the shock but really, how was it meant to work? It can't take away the pain. That's what she had always thought. And yellow, like it was trying to make her happier. More like yellow of sour lemons Ruby had been knocked out cold and was in a pretty bad state. Whatever had been  _in_ her was gone now.

When she'd sorted out her mind over what she had just done, she did the first sensible thing. Being sensible wasn't one of her strong points but after at least five minutes frozen in a state of her mind ripping itself apart, she did that sensible thing. Check her pulse. It was so faint, Meg had barely been able to feel it. And then she did the second sensible thing you would do in one of these situations. Call 911. It was risky, her DNA would be all over the knife but she could always say she had seen it on the floor and picked it up. So, she had lied. It was the only  _sensible_ thing to do after all if she didn't want to be locked up with blonde haired, smiley faced reporters, pushing their microphones in her face while the desperately in love cameramen snapped photos of her insanity.

They all arrived so quickly, she knew from the flashing red and blue outside. It reminded her of her parents' death. They seated her in the back of the ambulance just like you always see on crime TV. A few students, also dressed in yellow, tried to push their way in to see what was going on but were sent on their way by FBI agents.

 _Oh God, they brought the FBI,_ she thought. She had already seen them wheeling away the crumpled body of her sister on a stretcher. She had to wait for Missouri to come and pick her up and take her to the hospital.

Sam sat down beside her.

"Moose, you're not going to believe what just happened." She intended it for it to sound sarcastic but with her face still pale from the shock and a look of utter dread in her eyes, it just didn't fit. Moose was a nickname for Sam although no one knows quite who came up with it or why but she used to use it on him all the time.

"You're cold," he said in a deep voice.

"Thank you for noticing, Sam." She looked into his blue eyes and took a deep breath, ready to explain the story to him again. Blue? She had known him for more than 10 years and his eyes had always been hazel. She looked again but yes they were definitely blue.

"You're not Sam," she said.

"I_"

"Oh no, don't try some crap lie. It's not gonna work on me. I can read people. I know how. You're not Sam."

"Do you really believe that's possible?" Even the way he spoke was different from Sam.

"Believe me, I've seen enough weird things today. Are you one of them? Like the thing that attacked me?"

"Megan, you have to listen." His posture was so straight. It was wrong for his face his voice. _Borrowed._

"No. I need answers right now. I got attacked by a monster version of my sister this morning with black eyes. Now I'm sitting here chatting to you." A few people turned their heads and she lowered her voice. "I'm warning you, I know self defense."

"Megan," he finally said.

"What?"

"Your name is Megan Rachel Masters. Your birthday is twenty-fifth June. You want to be a fashion designer when you grow up. You have a pink unicorn from your Aunt Casey. You hate it though. You wish you'd been born with blonde hair. I know more."

"How do you know that?" She pulled further away from him.

"You told me. Don't you remember?" Something about that gaze was familiar.

"Who are you?" She stared.

"I can't tell you. Not right here. Meet me outside your house tonight. At 9."

"Um no. There's no way I'm going outside in the middle of the night. You could be some sort of freak. Wait, you know where my house is?" She twisted her neck. "Are you a stalker?"

"You wanted to know the truth. You said you'd seen enough weird things today. You're going to have to trust me. Think about it. And ask your sister if she remembers Clarence."

 

Meg knotted her fingers and Missouri gazed sadly down at her. Two hours in the waiting room. A great way to kick off Christmas break. A doctor came from Ruby's room and Missouri got up.

"She's awake," he said, solemnly. "However, there's a matter I need to discuss with you Ms Moseley." He looked at Meg. "You can go right in." Meg pushed through the door to find her sister sitting up weakly in bed.

"Hey Megs," she croaked.

"Rubes," she nodded in response. "How are you feeling?"

"Well, I've got a splitting headache and stitches in my arm as well as mental trauma but other than that, I'm good."

Meg stepped closer.

"Meg, I remember."

"What do you remember?" Meg asked in a sweet voice.

"I told the FBI I don't remember anything but I do. I let you in and told you to go and get something to eat. Then, I couldn't control what I was doing. I tried to kill you. I couldn't stop myself. I cut you with a knife."

On instinct, Meg touched the cut on her shoulder.

"I lied to the FBI."

"You're not the only one," Meg muttered.

"So what happened?"

Meg looked up, unsure whether she should explain or not. "You're going to have to trust me," she said, repeating the freak's(her new name for him) words. Ruby held her hand.

"OK. I'm dying to know what happened and if this were any other situation, I'd be begging for you to tell me but OK."

Meg was bout to leave when she remembered what the freak had said.

"Ruby, who's Clarence?" Ruby seemed shocked but then regained her breath.

"I'm not really supposed to talk about it. Mom made me swear not to. But I guess she's not here now. When you were younger, you had an imaginary friend. You were 6 or something when it started and mom was cool with that. But you got really obsessed and mom started to worry. She thought there was something wrong with you and I she probably thought you'd give her a bad reputation. When you were 10, it got really bad. You kept waiting for him to come and you would just sit by the window all day. You weren't sleeping or eating, I was really worried. So mom sent you to a psychologist. He thought it was something to do with you not getting enough attention. So mom spent all her time with you. Of course that didn't last long. From not working, she didn't have enough money to buy the new Gucci handbag. So she got Missouri to look after you and the psychologist convinced you Clarence wasn't real and well, I think you just forgot after that." She breathed as she finished her story

"Well thanks, Rubes. I'll make sure I remember to bring you grapes and a get better soon card. Ruby laughed and she walked out of the waiting room, past Missouri who was still talking to the doctor.

"I remember," she said under her breath. "I remember."


	5. Green

_He met with her in their usual place, the bench near the public footpath. Today, he was a boy of about 12 with dark skin and small lips, in a star wars shirt and dark jeans. Those blue eyes looked so incredibly unnatural on him. He was maybe a head taller than her at her nine years. The sun shone down on her waist length curls, turning them a pretty red and she wiped sweat from her arm. Why was she wearing a sweater in September._

_"Clarence," she exclaimed and he smiled. They took hands and began to walk into the forest. An bird squawked somewhere deeper on and Megan held a hand in front of them._

_"Shh." She put a tiny finger over her lips. "Look." She pointed to a robin fluttering its red wings among the green branches of a tree. It was that time of year right before Winter begins to arrive and the leaves turn brown for Fall. They enjoyed the green while they could. Megan sat down against one tree, larger than any other. This tree was special to them. The first time they came to these woods, when she was only 6, he had helped her carve their names in. After four years of strong rains, you could only just make out "Megan and Clarence." What they had was a rare friendship. She just felt like she could tell him anything._

_"I wish I was blonde," she said, breaking the calming silence._

_"What?"_

_"I wish I was blonde. It's good to be blonde. In fairy tales, all the princesses are blonde and they have all those princes after them."_

_"It's were. You wish you were blonde. I like how you look anyway. Your hair suits you."_

_"Why do you hang around with me, Clarence?"_

_He hesitated for a moment. "I find you aesthetically pleasing and your personality fascinating."_

_She laughed. "Aes-aesthetical-aes_" She shook her head. The words were hard for her young tongue to pronounce. "My mom doesn't like me seeing you, Clarence. Or talking about you. She thinks I'm crazy. I don't think she believes in angels."_

_"I'm not an angel, Megan. I'm no angel."_

_"Well it would explain everything. You can turn into different people and you speak funny."_

_"Honestly, I don't know what I am, Megan." He smiled at her and a call came from the distance._

_"That's my mom," Megan said, sadly. "I have to go." She placed the tips of her thumb and index finger against Clarence's and he copied her so that their hands made a heart shape._

 

Meg stood waiting outside her house. Missouri was still at the hospital with Ruby and Meg asked to go home.

"You can't be at home on your own. It's illegal," Missouri had told her although she knew who would win the argument.

"Missouri, I'm sixteen. It's illegal if your under fourteen. And no one sticks to that rule anyway. It's like you're not allowed to watch online for free either but everyone does that."

Missouri had sighed and sent her off.

Meg glanced at her watch. It was nearly 9 now and she knew he had agreed to be there by exactly 9 but rain fell heavily down on her and soaked the gravel path beneath her feet. She pulled her hoodie over her head, tighter. It was all coming back to her now, Clarence and everything. It was like a whole part of her brain had been removed and she had just recovered it again. Someone made her forget. She turned and a boy stood before her with blue eyes. He couldn't have been over seven years old and it was haunting.

"Is it you?" Stupid questions. She already knew.

"Yes." His voice was high and she felt a shiver wash over her. Creepy children were always the center of horror movies." She gulped.

"What's my favorite color?" she demanded.

"Electric blue."

"My mom's name?"

"Lilith Masters."

"My sister?"

"Ruby Masters."

He knew all the answers. He knew her well. It really was him. She backed away.

"Megan I_"

"Meg. It's Meg now."

"Meg, I'm guessing you have questions."

"Obviously, as well as the fact that this is one of the scariest moments of my life. Sam always used to argue that the Supernatural was real but I didn't believe...So what was that thing?"

"It was after me."

"Yeah, I figured that much. I asked what it was."

"I don't know."

"OK, next question, what are you? I mean, you can obviously travel long distances as you managed to get from here all the way to Disneyland and well, you change into different people everyday."

"I don't know."

"Come on, you don't know?"

"I don't know." His small face looked up at her completely honest. "I don't remember who I am, what I am. My whole life is a dark space. I don't have a body. I might have, once but not anymore. And so I just have to bounce around in that dark space until I find a body to fill."

"Um, that sounds kind of...never mind. I can't believe this is actually happening to me. Final question. Why did you leave? I had to see at least three psychiatrists. I had to cope with my mom thinking I was crazy. She was ashamed of me! She wanted to lock me up!" Tears sprang to her eyes. "And where were you?"

The small boy looked ashamed too. "Something dragged me away. It was this dark force and I couldn't come back. I tried my hardest but I couldn't. Someone wanted to keep me away from you. Until now."He shuffled his feet and kicked up a few green leaves.

She nodded to him. "Don't start crying because then we're gonna all start crying and it will be like some scene from a hospital drama when someone's just died." She smiled at him. "OK, I need you to understand that right now is a hard time for me with Ruby and my parents."

"What's wrong with your parents?"

"They're dead."

"Oh." His voice grew small and she continued.

"But I want to find out what's going on here. I _need_ to find out what's going on here. So I'm going to see you again. Tomorrow. On the bench by the foot path." It made sense to see him there after all the days they spent together there. "At 5.30." Then she turned and left. She climbed the stairs to her bedroom and checked quickly out of the window but he was no longer there. She undressed rapidly and lay down in bed, straight away. But unnoticed on her desk, was a tiny china doll with a wide grin on its face.


	6. Blood Orange (So pretentious)

"Meg?" Jo stood on the front doorstep with her blonde hair blowing in the wind. "What are you doing here?"

"Who is it, Joanna?" Jo's mom, Ellen, called from upstairs.

"I came to see you," Meg replied. She would have thought her friend would have been happy to see her. Obviously, she was wrong.

"Are you kidding? You haven't spoken to me in like, what is it, two or three months?" Jo began to close the door but Meg pushed her foot in the way.

"Please, this is important. You're the only one I can trust on this. Well, you and Missouri but...Please."

Jo stared at her for a while and read her friend just the same way her friend read her. Then, finally, she held the door open. "Come on in." They went to the kitchen and Jo got two sodas from the refrigerator.

"Anything to eat?"

"No."

"So, what's this about?" Jo took a sip from her soda can.

"Well Ruby's in hospital."

"Oh my God, what happened?"

"She was attacked."

"By who?"

Meg took a deep breath. "Me."

Jo sat up, suddenly. "What, you're serious? This isn't another one of your pranks?"

Meg shook her head.

"Should I be worried? Are you some kind of serial killer? You should be talking to Pamela on this one, she's the one who takes Psychology." Somehow Jo didn't seem worried.

"She attacked me. But she wasn't Ruby. She was...I don't know what she was but she wasn't Ruby."

"You realize, right now, I'm considering calling 911 and getting you sent to a mental hospital."

"Yeah, but you're not going to." Again, Meg was reading her.

"So say I did believe you, which I don't. What would this thing that wasn't Ruby be after?"

"You want this story to get any weirder? My imaginary friend from when I was a kid. Not so imaginary after all."

"Explain."

"When I was a kid, I had an imaginary friend called Clarence. And he used to visit me everyday but always look different. Like he was always possessing a different person. And yesterday, I found out he was real. And now I should probably run because you've got your phone in your hand and your finger over the nine."

Jo slammed her cell down on the table. "Sorry."

"I know you must think I'm crazy but_"

"No, I believe you. You taught me that reading people stuff right and either you're a really good actress which I know isn't true or you actually believe what you're saying. Who am I not to believe in the supernatural when Missouri read my mind. And don't you remember that ghost we saw at Jess' slumber party?"

"OK, that wasn't a ghost, that was a sheet on the washing line, her mom said so, but I think you've got the general idea. So I need your help_"

"No. Sorry, no. I'm pretty sure I believe you but I need to know for sure. I need to see him. Bring him to see me tomorrow."

 

So many memories blossomed from the trees towering above her. This was the one place where her and Clarence would always meet as kids. It was different now to how it had been then. Half the trees were cut down and a parking lot built behind it but it still gave the same feeling. It was still there! The tree where they carved their names so many years ago! he brushed her fingers over the names. 'Megan and Clarence'. She heard footsteps behind her and turned to find Jimmy Novak, one of the boys from her school, standing behind her with eyes just a shade darker than usual.

"Oh no," she said.

"What's wrong?"

"No, no. You can't be Jimmy. It's weird. Please just find another host for today."

"Why?"

"Because I know him."

"You knew Sam and I used him. I can't control who I am Megan...Meg. It doesn't work that way."

"Well that was different. With Sam I...I don't have a good answer for that but, OK. I have some serious issues with Jimmy. We used to date and I...one time he annoyed me too much and I punched him in the nose. There was blood everywhere. We broke up and he never spoke to me again." She didn't know what Clarence's reaction was going to be but she hardly expected him to start laughing. "What?"

"It's funny." He began to walk and she followed him.

"So what have you been doing for the last six years? Hanging out with birds? Ballet dancing?" She smirked at him and then the smile broke.

"What's wrong?"

"I shouldn't be laughing. I mean, it's nearly Christmas and my sister's in hospital, my parents are dead and I'm sixteen and talking to imaginary friends about my ex. Because that's perfectly normal." She leaned back against the tree. "I'm gong through a lot of mood swings at the moment. Oh God why did I just say that. Please don't."

"Please don't what?"

"Don't giggle and say, ooh, looks like it's someone's time of the month."

"I don't understand."

"Just forget I said that too. My friend Jo wants to meet you. I told her and she says she needs to see to believe, I guess. Although, knowing Jo, we're probably gonna end up with a movie night, eating popcorn and watching a horror movie. I hate horror movies. They're all the same you know. There'll be some complete idiots who move into a new house because they need a  _new start for their family._ An then they'll be one of those creepy monkey toys with the cymbals or they'll be the blonde head cheerleader, Stacy and the jock, Brad and they'll make out in a car and of course get killed by some creep with a chainsaw. I mean, do horror movies even exist in horror movie universes because every normal person knows a monkey with cymbals is a bad thing. I bet you've never even seen s horror movie. Sorry, I'm talking too much again." She paused for a breath and they came to a clearing overlooking the horizon. The sun was setting now and a few stars already appearing in the distance.

"I love the sunset. I always have. Missouri and I used to stay up late and just watch for half an hour," said Meg.

"It's one of the wonders of nature I've never found time to understand. That beautiful, blood orange sky."

"Blood orange? You're so pretentious."

"I don't understand that reference."

"It's a...never mind. Clarence, why are you still here? I mean, why did you come back? And why do you want to hang around me?"

"You're beautiful," he said.

"Tell me something I don't know. And?"

"You're fascinating. You're fun. You're...unique."

"Unique, really? That's just what you see to kids when they draw some scribble, isn't it?" She looked slightly insulted.

"I mean it in a good way. Megan Rachel Masters, I think I'm in love with you." He paused and looked up at her and she turned away.

"Wow, love. Do you mean that in the friendship way?"

"The best type of romances are ones where they're friends, aren't they? You told me that."

Meg paused for a second and then spoke again. "I think I love you too. You're my best friend, better than Missouri, Ruby, Sam, Jo, anyone, and I love you." She wrapped her arms around him in a hug and he lifted her up and swung her around, her hair blowing in the wind. She screamed with delight. She felt like she was flying and for a second, a ray from the setting sun shone on them. And then he put her down. Their lips brushed. They tasted like Jimmy's but like Clarence too and it was completely different, kissing him. He was inexperienced, definitely, but sweet. He stroked her cheek and their tongues found each other before she pushed him away.

"I'm sorry, I can't. It's not you, it wouldn't be fair on Jimmy. What if he remembers this? I'm going to find out what's going on here," she said. "I swear I will. I'll see you tomorrow." She kissed him one last time on the cheek and suddenly, he pushed two fingers up against hers, making a heart shape. He remembered! Then he vanished into the night air.


	7. Purple

She reached to the back of the fridge and took the whipped cream, shaking it just to check if there was any left even though she was almost certain there was some as Missouri barely ever let her have it.

"It's bad for you, girl. You think now everything's OK because you're thin and pretty but one day you're gonna be as fat and lazy as me." Missouri's words echoed around her head. Meg sprayed the cream over her warm cocoa in a swirl pattern and sprinkled marshmallows on top. The perfect snack for Winter. She sipped and then choked as the hot liquid scolded her tongue, and she took the mug with shaking hands, leaving it on the coffee table. Their Christmas tree stood in the front window, looking out onto the street. Missouri had spent over an hour decorating it at the beginning of December and beautiful glass baubles hung from various layers. They had the most beautiful, little wax angels from the markets in Germany where the Masters family spent Christmas a few years ago. The smallest angel they bought, one with dark hair and the smallest halo, had a chipped wing but apart from that, they were still all in perfect condition. If only she had her family here to share that with.

She automatically reached for the TV remote while in a force of habit, resting her aching legs on the coffee table. On the plus side, there was no Missouri here to stop her. Glee was on. A rerun of a Christmas special. She groaned but didn't bother to change channel. Instead, she just turned the volume down and took out her sketch pad as she continued to wait for the cocoa to cool down. She flipped through some of her older designs, mostly dresses. She barely designed clothes anymore and in her heart was surprised by her skill and coloring and tone. Yes, there was the phoenix dress in a bright shining red with a gold satin bow. The mermaid dress was clung to the waist, curving out at her feet and she used a green gel pen for the supposed scale pattern. Back in the old days, you could say, when she was popular, when all sorts of misfits and outcasts were dying to be her friends, when she walked around with her gang consisting of Jo, Charlie, Anna, Tessa, Pamela and Jess. The parties and boys asking her out. Popular had never been a word she would have used to describe herself. Back then, she'd thought maybe she was one of the rebel kids with their rock music and leather jackets. But then, it dawned on her, popular was exactly what she had been.

Her hand reached for her pencil as her mind began to spin something new and she drew, absorbed in the artwork as she thought it was. Purple, a violet really, a simple design with just one layer of a skirt that blossomed out across the floor. The faceless model who wore it held a matching purple flower in her hand.

"And now we meet with fashion designer Megan Masters. Meg overcame depression as well as the challenge of being an orphan to become_" Meg's fantasies came to a halt as keys turned in the lock. Missouri emerged into the sitting room and Meg's feet slid off the coffee table, swiftly. Missouri had been at the hospital for the last two days with Ruby. Now as she returned, there was a look of urgency on her face.

"Is everything OK, Missouri?"

"No, Megan, everything is not OK. I just saw you with your feet on my coffee table." She smiled and then shook it away. "Turns out what happened to Ruby was a blessing. it practically saved her life."

"What do you mean?"

"Well being in hospital, they'll do tests on you. Just to check your health's perfect. The doctor didn't want me to tell you about this."

"I'm sixteen not six! I know I'm short but..." She waved her arm so Missouri could continue.

"Ruby tested positive for drugs." Missouri gasped as the truth escaped from her lips. It took a few seconds before the words sunk in. Her heart flattened in her chest like it had been smashed into a wall and a hollow feeling filled her insides. But still, she refused to believe it.

"What?"

"They tested her. She'd been smoking weed, heroin. She was close to an overdose, they say. Some, excuse my language, son of a bitch, saw her crying, gave her some, a few months ago now. She says she didn't know what it was at first but after that, she needed it. She said it helped the pain. Poor girl. They're keeping her under observation over..."

"Over Christmas?"

Missouri nodded. Meg shook her head and felt her eyes brimming with tears. Her sister. It couldn't be. But it made sense. The box Ruby tried to hide away so well. Missouri embraced her in a motherly hug. Her braided hair rubbed against Meg's bare skin.

"It's OK, baby. I understand. After all you've been through." The doorbell rang. Oh no. Oh no, not now. No no no no. She hauled herself up.

"I'm sorry, Missouri. I have to get that." She walk with her body bent over. This old house no longer felt like home. She knew every corner, every hiding place, every family memory but it felt like everyone she saw was a stranger. Jo stood in the doorway with five other girls behind her. Six of her ex-best friends. Jo, Anna, Charlie, Pamela, Tessa and Jess. The last time she spoke to any of them, had been when her parents were still with them. She felt an inner, psychopathic need, how she felt when those dicks of guys tried looking down her shirt, to just stab them in the face or just Jo this time.

"You brought all of them?" Meg asked as she wiped away a tear. She contained her anger for now.

The blonde shook out her hair. "They wanted to meet him too. Everything alright, Meg?"

"Does it look like everything's fine?"

"No. But I'm not gonna ask any questions because I know you'll just push me away again. Where's Clarence?" All the girls were silent for once, no one chatted among themselves, no one shared smiles, they all just stared at Meg. She knew those looks. They wanted answers, whether if it were that the supernatural existed or that Meg were simply crazy. As if on cue, the boy who looked like Jimmy Novak appeared on the front lawn. Her eyes widened at the sight of him. He was the same, two days in a row. That had never  _ever_ happened before, at least, she could not remember it happening. All the girls turned around as one.

"Jimmy?" Charlie was the first to make any remark. "What's going on? Is this some prank?"

"Is he...you know?" asked Jo.

"How did you know?" said Meg.

"Well, for one, you hate Jimmy and he hates you so there's absolutely no way he would come anywhere near your house."

"Meg." It was Clarence this time. He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes. "What are they all doing here?"

"I was just asking them the same question."

"You seem troubled. He looked deep into her eyes and then gasped. Something bad happened to you. You_"

"OK," she interrupted him before he revealed anything to her friends. She pointed at the two redheads. "These are Anna and Charlie. This is Tessa." She gestured to the girl dressed in black. "And this is Pamela, Jess and Jo. You should probably all come inside." As they made their way into the hallway, Missouri called out from the kitchen. Her voice had returned to normal. But then, she was good at keeping secrets from those outside the family.

"Who is it?"

"It's um, my friends?" she offered and Jo smiled at her. Maybe they _were_ friends again.

"I'll make you all some snacks."

They continued up to Meg's room and each of her friends seated themselves at various spots in her room. The daylight streamed in, unusually bright for Winter, and she reached to shut the blinds. And then, she saw it. A china doll, smaller than her fist, rested on her desk. Its hair was tied up in a small bun and its eyes were fully black, she realized like the creature that attacked her. She twisted her head. She just hoped Clarence hadn't seen it but he was resting at the foot of her bed, opposite Anna who stared at him with a mix of fear and innocent curiosity in her eyes.

"What is he?" Charlie asked finally. "Because I read a comic book where_"

"Enough Charlie," said Tessa. "Now, I'm just gonna be honest. I think this is all a load of crap made up by Meg. Or she's crazy. Raise your hand if you agree." Both Anna and Jess raised their hands.

"Thanks guys. Great to have some support." Meg covered her face. "Nice try, Jo. The only people who believe me about this are you, the supernatural enthusiast and Comic book Queen."

"Meg is not crazy. I am perfectly real. I am not just her ex-boyfriend trying to play a prank on you."

"Right, because Meg has _never_ pranked us before. She's an innocent girl."

"She may have pranked back then but do you really think she would now that her parents are dead and her sister's in hospital?" Clarence was desperate to prove to them.

Tessa shrugged and then jerked her head. "Rubys in hospital?"

Meg nodded.

"So what is it you do?" questioned Pamela.

"I-I change bodies everyday."

"Oh my God! The studies they could do on him. It would bring the human race forward so far if we could figure out how to_"

"No!" Meg shouted, cutting her off in the middle of her sentence. "He's not a lab rat. He's just as much a human being as you or me."

Anna just stared at him for a while. She had always been the shy one, the one who barely ever spoke. "I think I believe you too, Meg. I didn't want to but, there's just something. We want to help you. We want to help you find out who he is, what he is. And we want to protect him from anymore of those things that Jo told me about."

"I'm in too," said Jess. Sitting down, she still managed to tower over them and her frizzy hair had a few snowflakes dotted among her blonde curls.

Tessa folded her arms. "Seriously? You guys? You actually believe this shit?"

"You don't have to be here if you don't want to, Tessa." Meg stood up. Everyone had their eyes fixed on Tessa. "I can't think of any way he can prove himself to you. You might as well just leave."

Tessa looked on. Her face tried to convince the others but not a single one of them moved. She turned her back and they stormed out and the sound of the door slamming came from downstairs, slightly muffled.

"So what are we gonna do, Meg?" Jo asked once they were absolutely sure she was gone.

"He needs to see Missouri," Pamela called out.

"What?"

"Well she's a real psychic isn't she? Maybe she can read his mind or something. I know, it's an awful idea, sue me."

"No, she's right. That actually might work." That exact second, Missouri walked in with a tray and six mugs of tea.

"Everything alright up here, girls. I just saw your friend, Tessa, leave."

"She had somewhere else to go."

"Well it seems I didn't make enough tea." She glanced quickly at Clarence then beckoned Meg over. "How are you doing, honey?" she whispered to her. It was hardly subtle, more of a stage whisper and again, her friends eyes bore into her. Meg nodded.

"His name's Jimmy, right? Your ex-boyfriend?"

"Well actually, Missouri, that's what we wanted to talk to him about. You see, he_"

"He's her magical, childhood friend and he changes body everyday. He's come back after years, on the run from some black eyed creatures that possessed Ruby and attacked her. Can you help find out what he really is?"

Everyone glared at Pamela.

"What? It's the truth. Someone had to tell her."

"Well as Pamela explained to you so well, yes, he's basically my imaginary friend from my childhood," Meg sighed. "And, he doesn't remember who he is. He doesn't even remember his name. And for some currently unknown reason, he's on the run from some mystery creatures. They're the ones who hurt Ruby. I know it sounds crazy but we know you're psychic. We thought you could help, maybe." Meg was pleading with her. Her story was crazy, everything about it, to any normal person, would sound completely crazy.

Missouri took her hand and brushed the palm. "You're telling the truth." Nothing could match the shock on her face. "I know there are monsters out there, I've known since I was a little girl. But never, in forty years have I seen anything as magnificent and broken as you." She shook into the irises that both Jimmy and Clarence shared. "Those things chasing you, they were demons. I used to see them every night. They wanted me, I was psychic, I was special. Not as powerful as some but still. There was a woman, she would visit me every day for a whole year. She had black eyes like you said. She made me an offer, she said I could come with her and live in a paradise. I refused and eventually they left me. I'm getting rusty nowadays but, back then, I could occasionally communicate with spirits. And they told me about demons. Human souls that have been twisted so much in Hell, that they turn to monsters. No one knows quite what they want but they've been known to take children for centuries. I never told you or your sister, Meg. I didn't want to scare you and so far as I could see, there was nothing special about you. You were both remarkable, intelligent girls but human, and nothing else. I didn't need to involve you in that." She looked back at Clarence. "Lie down. I'm going to try a simple hypnotism." Her voice grew deep and mesmerizing and she took Clarence's hand. "When I count to five, you're gonna fall asleep. One...two, three, four, five." Small breaths came from his mouth. It had worked. Meg never knew that this woman who had looked after her for so many years could do this. She knew about the reading emotions, predicting the near future, but hypnotisms?

Clarence's eyes were still open and the blue, brighter than ever before. Veins stood out, not just on the eyeball but all over his face.

"Now, you're going to look back through your memories, before your first memory. Think hard. Tell us, what is your name?"

He wriggled, his body began to spasm and silent cries racketed from is throat.

"What's your name, Clarence, what's your name?" His cries turned to screams.

"Awake!" she shouted as he gripped her wrist.

He sat up and his eyes returned to their natural color. His veins were gone again, back below the skin. Everyone stared at him. They were seconds way from finding the answer. It was worse for Meg. For years, she had wondered just who the mysterious boy who visited her everyday was and now she was about to discover. All those years led up to this.

"Did you find your name, child?" asked Missouri in a voice as soft as silk.

"Yeah. Thank you, Missouri."

"And?"

"Castiel."

 


	8. White

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for late publishing of this chapter and just a warning that there are mentions of the major character death in this chapter.

She laid the flowers down at the graveside. White. Lilies. They held that bittersweet scent which makes everyone call them death flowers. They were certainly appropriate.

"Hey mom. Dad. Yeah, it's Meg here. Um...it's Christmas Eve and, Ruby's in hospital. I-I don't know what to do. You always knew what to do, mom. If only you were here." She dropped the flowers and walked back to stand next to Clarence, a few feet away.

"Clarence, can I ask you a question? Or should I be calling you Castiel, now? Really, what kind of person names their kid, Castiel? Sorry, I was about to ask you a question. Why do you keep coming back as Jimmy? I've never seen you in the same body and then you come and see me using my ex as a host for three days in a row. It's like you're trying to make fun of me. It's ironic, really." She realized she had given him no time to answer. "Sorry. So why?"

"I don't know. I've never chosen who I appear as." He stared into the distance with his blue eyes fixed on no certain point.

"So how does it work?"

"I wake up, sometimes still in a body, sometimes not. It used to always be at different times of the day but whenever I woke up, I'd be dragged to a new body. The first thing I used to do was come and find you if the family of whoever I was would not stop me."

She took his hand. "Wow, Christmas Eve spent in a cemetery. This is one Hell of a Christmas."

"If you would prefer, we could leave."

"No. I need more time here. Hey, Clarence...Castiel, you never told me, why you came to me, everyday, in the first place."

He breathed deeply. "You were the first thing I remember. I had no body then but I could say shapes, all the doctor's and nurses and their souls too. It was all very dark and then I saw a very small outline of a person. It was you when you had just been born. And I saw your soul."

"OK. This is going to sound like a really weird question. So what did my soul look like"

"It's the brightest light I have ever seen. Like a star. But it's shielded by something dark. It's as beautiful and mysterious as you."

"Oh. Alright. Just so you know, I don't like poetry but continue."

"And that's it. I wanted to see you again. Every day after. I don't know who I am, Meg. Everything before them is dark. My soul is broken into a thousand shards."

 His grip grew stronger on her hand and she turned away from him. It was impossible looking him in the eye, now she knew they did not belong to him. The change of color, it was just a part of him shining through.

"Oh God," she said as she looked at her watch. It-it's nearly one. Missouri is expecting me home for lunch. And she wants another session with you, too." She carefully moved each tight finger from her hand and began to lead the way out of here. The cemetery was empty apart from them. Of course it was, it was Christmas Eve. People would be too busy buying turkeys and hanging up stockings and stuffing themselves on mince pies to even think about those they had lost. A thin layer of snow had settled onto the  ground around them and her boots crunched through it. Little crystals settled in her waves of hair and she reached to her pocket for her ipod. It would disrespectful to listen to any music here but maybe if she had it ready for when they left, she could at least take her mind away for a few minutes from what was to come.

In the corner of her eye, she saw a gravestone. There was a distance between it and any others and it was far smaller, too. A bunch of dead lilies lay at the foot. It felt neglected, almost, like someone was trying to forget it so hard. She edged nearer. Maybe she was drawn to it. Maybe it was an act of curiosity. She knelt down by the side, hearing Clarence/Castiel's slow footsteps behind her. She brushed her fingers over the words carved into the stone. A mix of snow, wind and rain had worn them mostly away and snow crumbled away now.

**_In Loving Memory of Castiel Winchester_ **

**_May 2nd 1996-June 25th 1996_ **

**_Dearly Missed_ **

Winchester? Like Sam's surname?

"Meg, what is it?"

"Look, look at this. Castiel Winchester."

He narrowed Jimmy's eyes and looked closer. He shrugged. "It could just be a coincidence."

"But really? Castiel? How common can that name be? It sounds straight out of Middle Earth. Unless there's a new race of Hobbits in town. And look. Died the day I was born. This has _got_ to mean something, right? But that birth date, May the second. It sounds familiar. Maybe someone I know or...oh my God."

"What?"

"That's the day Sam was born. Sam Winchester. I think we owe Mr and Mrs Winchester a little visit."

 

"Hey Meg. What's up." Dean swung under the door to the garage. "If you're looking for Sammy, him and Jess are making out in his bedroom. And judging from the noises up there, I think it's more than just making out."

"Eww. Too much information, Dean. No, I'm actually here to see your mom."

"My mom?"

"Yeah." She quickly thought up a lie. "Her and my mom were close and I er...I was wondering if she had any of her old things."

"I'll go tell her. You, stay here." Dean vanished inside the house. Meg had been here many times before. Everything was familiar but different too. Maybe, now she knew what was out there, she was seeing a whole new side to everything. She rested a hand on the wall, feeling her palm turn red at the incredible cold. Dean reappeared, beside her. Mom's ready to see you.

Meg arrived in the kitchen where Mary Winchester sat at the table, in front of a fridge with many family photos pinned up.

"Meg, how are you?" She patted a seat beside her. Meg reluctantly took her place beside her. Mary was pretty and blonde, looking young for her age, just like her own mother.

"Dean said you wanted to talk to me about your mom. I have to say, I hardly knew her well. We were at high school together but in different gangs. How's Ruby by the way? She blossomed so beautifully. Remember when Sam had that big crush on her and used to follow her around. You're not with anyone, are you?"

"Actually, I may have lied to Dean. Slightly."

"Oh? And why was that?"

"Who is Castiel Winchester?"

Mary twirled a strand of blonde hair around her finger. "What? I have no idea who you are talking about. I suggest you leave right now."

"Please. I really need to know. I...I think I might know, something. I know about the demons. I know most of what happened. Please, just tell me."

Mary got up from her chair and went to stand by the window, staring up into the grey, afternoon sky. "When I was a child, my dad had a job. He hunted demons, just like you said, and I hunted with him, He let me know what was out there and, when I was sixteen, he gave me a choice. I could continue following after him or I could start an ordinary life. I chose option number two. I started a life with my husband, John. We were young and in love. I had Dean. And then, two years later, twins. Sam and a much smaller one. I called him Castiel. I know. Strange choices for names but I'd read the name once before and it just suited him. But there was something wrong with Cas, you see. He wasn't an ordinary baby. I had better senses than others after what my dad taught me. But whatever it was, it was powerful. And it scared me. Both babies were very frail and just two months after they were born, baby Cas had to be taken into hospital. It started as a nasty pneumonia but he got pretty sick. A few days later, they discovered he had died. He was too weak, they said. But I always knew, something did it to him. I always suspected the demons. Maybe they saw him as a threat. And when I went to see his body, I found something on the bedside table. It was a china doll."

Meg's mouth dropped open as Mary turned back to her. The doll, again. What did it mean? And how was Clarence or Castiel still around if he was dead, assuming he was the son Mary was talking about.

"You have to promise not to tell Sam. He was too young to remember and I wouldn't want to let him know. It would sadden him too much. If I ever told him, he would have to be at least eighteen. Dean barely remembers and John's tried his hardest to forget."

"I won't tell but I...I expect you'll want to know how I know about him. You know you said he had a power inside him? That power was strong. He's still around, his spirit anyway. The power you talked about, it stops anyone ever being able to kill him."

"What do you mean? Have you seen him?"

Meg held up a hand for the woman as a single teardrop rolled down her cheek. "I need you to tell me what you know. About his power."

"After what happened to my son, I spent all my time at home, in bed. I didn't eat or sleep, I just sat there. John said it was like I was living in a completely different world to him. One day, he sent me to see a psychic. He said she was really good and, well, I wasn't sure if she would be real or not. I'd met quite a few psychics in my time. Anyway, he sent me to see Missouri. She gave me reasons for why the demons may have had to get rid of them. There's a war coming. It has been coming for a few decades now. At least, the demons want there to be a war."

"Let me guess. They want to wipe out the entire human race."

"Something along those lines. They've been finding and taking children for years, those with powers like my Cas and Missouri. They want them as weapons. But Cas was too much of a threat to them. So they had to get rid of him. I hope you don't mind but we observed you and Ruby for a while to see if you were like them. Sam has mild powers too but nothing they've detected."

"So what? Am I normal?"

"Depends on your definition of normal. You have no supernatural powers if that's what you mean but you have your skill at reading people, I have similar abilities. It was how I knew with my sons to start with." Her washed out, blue eyes were watery now and she rubbed at them with a tea towel. "You've seen him more than once, haven't you?"

"I saw him when I was a child. But I swear, I only found out the truth today. And let me tell you, I've had some pretty weird days but this tops the list." She had to speak loudly over the older woman's sobs.

"So what's he like? How has he grown up to be?"

"He's an awkward, romantic dumbass. He's one of those poetic goth types. I don't think he's had much time to adjust to life now what with the changing bodies everyday."

"What?"

"He sort of talks to me through other people." She was only telling half the truth. "You-you could meet him if you like."

Mary placed a hand on her neck and caught a golden locket that hung underneath her shirt, making it almost impossible to see. Then she nodded.

"I want to see him."

 

Clarence had stood waiting back up the path, outside the Winchester house, out of sight from Dean who was still fixing up his car. Without telling him why she was bringing him to the house, she dragged him back up the frozen gravel and back into the kitchen. Luckily, Sam was still upstairs, busy with Jess. She wondered, was it possible Jess or any other one of her friends could have given away their secret. It was almost certain that Tessa's story of her being completely crazy was circling the internet right now.

Mary had not moved from the spot where she had sat for the last five minutes, not even a muscle. But that changed as Meg once again entered the kitchen, this time with Clarence too. Mary stood up and pulled the locket from her neck, revealing it to have two photos, two almost identical babies boys, apart from the fact that one had hazel eyes while the other had ones an electric blue like the late afternoon sky (when it wasn't cloudy outside).

"Castiel." She spoke his name, testing it out. She had not used it in a long time.

"Who are you?" His voice was deep and he repeated is usual narrowing of the eyes.

"Clarence," said Meg, tapping his shoulder blade. "This is your mom."

He stood with his mouth open and they gaped at each other in silence. He had never had a mother before, unless you counted the parents of the bodies he inhabited. Jimmy was taller than Mary at nearly six foot and they stood for a few moments before she embraced him. It was awkward but then he had never met her, not in his memory. She felt like moving to give them some time and began to back away but Mary stopped her with a raise of the hand.

"I'm Mary," she said, when he hands had dropped back to her side. "Cas." She felt inside the locket, took a dark chunk of hair which was secured by a blue ribbon. "This was all I had of Castiel, of you, after they cremated him."

"You mean, I'm dead?" Surprisingly, he did not seem that scared or even shocked. "I thought maybe I could have been but...it would make sense."  He took the hair from Mary's palm, brushing his finger over each strand. In the time when he had a body he could call his own. Mary turned him away and sent him from the room.

"I want to spend more time with him. You know, I can't actually believe this is happening. That this isn't another one of those strange dreams. I've pinched myself a thousand times. I need you to protect him. Watch over him. But you have to make the right decisions. He's going to want to watch over you, too."

"What do you mean?"

"He loves you. I can tell. You don't believe him. You're not even sure if you love him back. I've seen the way he looks at you. He's going to go out of his way to protect you. But you have to make sure, it doesn't go too far. Because, this war is coming and you, both of you, you're a part of it."

 


	9. Brown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the name of the chapter but I've almost run out of colors and it does fit in to the chapter. I've almost finished the story. Hope you enjoy.

"What did Mary say to you?"

"Nothing much really. Dark times are coming. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you though. You just discovered you've been dead for sixteen years!"

He ignored her statement and made himself comfortable on the sofa, flattening out the cushions and rearranging them in an order that suited him. "So what do we do now?"

"Well I suggest we have a traditional Christmas Eve. We order a pizza and stay up all night."

"Pizza?"

"What, you were hoping for a lovingly prepared meal of turkey roast potatoes? Why make a big deal over food when you can have pizza?"

"I've never had pizza."

Meg groaned and flopped down on the sofa beside him. "You know, surprisingly, that doesn't surprise me. Margherita sound OK?"

 

No need for eating in the dining room tonight. Missouri wasn't here. She was at the hospital, again seeing to Ruby, cheering her up along with the incredibly small amount of nurses who could actually be bothered to go to work the night before Christmas. She knew she should have gone with, despite Missouri's attempts to stop her. And Clarence needed her with him, it was just as Mary had said.

"I sure have a messed up life," she murmured and took a tub of cookies and cream from the freezer, as well as a jar of peanut butter and two spoons. Pizza, peanut butter and ice cream. This was going to be a really strange meal. As they waited for the pizza to arrive, she began to arrange the paper plates from the storage cupboard, on the coffee table. Missouri wasn't even here tonight to stop them. He helped her to pull up two chairs and they set them equal distance apart from the sofa, draping an old sheet over the top. Probably the only thing in the house that Missouri would not get angry over if they spilt crumbs on it. It was like when she used to make forts as a child. When he was still visiting her everyday, when things were normal and happy in her family, the pair of them sometimes made houses or even castles from duvets, pillows and cardboard boxes. So this wasn't quite the same, no boxes here now. This was just for comfort but certainly just as fun as it had been then if not more.

She piled on more pillows to soften the surface even more and not a word was exchanged between them. She rushed up the stairs to grab a duvet from her bed, only to realize that that would only make Missouri madder for with Clarence with her, they were bound to get the sheets sticky with a mix of peanut butter and ice cream. Instead she ran out again, to the end of the corridor to where the unused bedroom of her parents still stood. Missouri understood how she felt, how both sisters felt but had made an attempt at suggesting they change it into a game room or music room (even though Meg barely practised the keyboard and Ruby was never here to sing) but both of them refused. Back then, it had smelt of Lilith and Luke, like they weren't gone and still lived here but now, it was slowly rotting away.

Meg didn't come in here anymore, no one did, so it was coated in dust. The double bed they had slept in every night was still in the middle with the matching double duvet cast to the side from the morning they got up before they went to the conference. If she listened, just hard enough, she thought she heard light snores from the mattress. She shook her brown hair from her face and shook her head like she wanted to be rid of the sound. This place was spooky. Knowing what she was really here for but unable to help herself, she turned to her mother's old dresser. A mirror hung over it and she gently brushed her finger through more dust. A movement came in the mirror and in the corner of her eye and her head snapped around. No one there. Checking over her shoulder as she went, she moved over to the wardrobe and rummaged through to the back, searching for something suitable. Her hand found a button and she pulled her discovery backwards. It was an old coat, her father's most likely. Yes, she definitely remembered him wearing it. It had never suited him, really. It was a light brown, a beige really, a similar color to Luke Masters' hair. It should be big enough to cover both of them. She folded it over her arm and stepped back, still cautious after the movement she had seen. As soon as she was in the hallway again, she raced back down the stairs and draped the trench coat over the sofa where Clarence sat.

"OK. Food. TV. Comfort. Seems there's just one thing missing now." Meg went through to the dining room with Clarence behind her, where the Christmas tree still stood with a littering of pine needles, decorating the wooden floor below. She reached for the light switch and flipped it on. Two sets of fairy lights that had been wound around the branches, lit up in a red and proceeded to turn into a yellow, a green, a blue and then finally a purple which switched back to red again.

"Perfect. Christmas Eve in style. Now all we have to do is wait for the pizza. It shouldn't take long. I doubt many takeout places are open today. You hungry?"

"I am experiencing something that could be classified as hunger."

"OK then." She spoke slowly and then paused. "Do you want to_"

The doorbell rang with a sharp and fast ping.

"That will be the pizza. I told you it would be quick." She rushed to the door, making sure he stayed back, and was handed the large, steaming box. The delivery boy who looked no older than her and just as bored as you could be for having to work the night before Christmas, chewed gum and scowled, holding out his hand for the large amount she would have to pay him, as well as a tip.

"Ten dollars? Are you kidding me?"

"Hey. It's Christmas so I'm in the giving mood. Normally you'd get far less."

"I have to work as a favor to my dad when I should be with my girlfriend and this is all I get?"

"Yes sweetie. That's all you get." She slammed the door in his face and held the two boxes up (one with their shared pizza and one with spicy wedges and barbeque sauce). She put on her best cowgirl accent. "Hey, someone order pizza?"

Clarence's face twisted into a grin as she set the two boxes down. One hand reached out and she slapped it backwards. "Wait," she told him, in a stern teacher voice this time. "Wait for me to get ready. We have to find something to watch, first." She picked up the remote, not even having to look at the buttons, she blindly flipped through the channels until the many Christmas specials of Glee or How I Met Your Mother, turned to a black and white movie.

"It's A Wonderful Life," she explained to him. "It's a tradition in my house. Every year it's on and every year we sit and watch it. Looks like it's just you and me now, Clarence. You don't mind do you?"

He shook his head while at the same time, taking a ravenous bite out of his pizza slice so that tomato sauce smeared over Jimmy's lips. As the movie progressed, her mind jumped back to the year before. For such a rare occasion, Lilith and Luke had stopped working, of course they were given time off but secretly, she had known her parents were workaholics. Ruby had been studying for her exams then (which she got nearly perfect scores on the next year), and Meg had just sat there with her head resting on a pillow, texting Jo as they watched. Her mother made pasta, not the most traditional meal but it was the only thing they had left in the house after the big roast that Missouri had helped them make, what with most Masters adults being awful cooks.

She turned to look at Clarence and watched his eyes grow wide as the angel, Clarence, came into the movie.

"He has...my name?"

"Well where to you think I got the name, angel brain? You think I went looking for names on baby websites? Hey, I dare you to take one of those spicy wedges, dip it in the barbeque sauce, then in the peanut butter and then in ice cream."

He stared at her. "You dare me?"

"It's what kids do. They say if someone dares you to do something, then you have to do it. I think we're all kids at heart, I mean we're sitting in a fort, eating ice cream. We might as well start braiding each others' hair and having pillow fights."

"My hair's not long enough to braid."

"Just do the dare."

He took a smaller wedge than the others and coated it in the barbeque sauce and then in even more peanut butter before adding a dollop of ice cream on with a spoon. He took the tiniest bite, not even a bite really, he just licked it with the tip of his tongue. And then he bit in. And then again until it was all gone. Then he took another one and did the same.

"So many interesting food sensations!" he announced as he licked the barbeque peanut butter with a chunk of oreo, from his finger.

"You are so gross."

"It's nice." At that moment, the credits for the movie rolled on and Meg checked her watch.

"Two minutes to Midnight. It's almost Christmas. What would you be doing at Jimmy's house right now?"

"I'm not sure. Sleeping, only to wake up in the same body the next day?"

"What story did you tell his parents about where you were going?"

Clarence did not say anything, just stared at her.

"You did tell them you were going somewhere, right?"

"I haven't been back at their house all day."

"Oh my God." She clasped a hand to her forehead. "They're gonna be freaking! First thing tomorrow morning, we're returning you to them. Hey, fancy a dance?" she said as she took the final pizza slice. She got up and went to their radio which rested right beside the French windows. Every Christmas Eve, from eight till Midnight, they had a Christmas playlist, every song from Silent Night to All I Want For Christmas Is You. They always played a final song at Midnight. She turned up the volume as the presenter's voice cut off to be replaced by a deep, male voice.

_I'm Dreaming Of A White Christmas, Just Like The Ones I Used To Know._

"Well this certainly is a white Christmas." She looked outside to the heavy snowflakes, blowing in the wind in the night sky. "Come on, let's dance." And they danced, in a way. No fancy waltzing, no him grabbing her around the waist and them twirling around. Instead, they just took hands and swayed from side to side, her because, in her opinion, she 'could not dance' and him because he had never had the 'pleasure' of taking lessons or going to junior prom. And the clock outside chimed, twelve times.

"Merry Christmas," she whispered in his ear, and he kissed her on the cheek and then properly, on the mouth and for someone who had never had much experience, he sure was a great kisser.

And they slept together. Not in the way you'd think though. It was as simple as they slept, curled up against each other, under the warmth of her father's trench coat. To do it, it wouldn't be fair on him and certainly not on Jimmy. He would never have done it before, he would have no idea and in a way, it could make him lose his childish innocence. It wasn't that she did it all the time either. In fact, at just sixteen and a half years old, almost exactly, she would be in just a few hours, to count up the times would add up to a big fat zero. But she knew, she had read books, she had watched TV, she had a teenagers education and she had had to sit through the many hours of immature boys boasting about how they got drank at parties and banged a ton of girls as their friends high fived them while the poor girls would have to endure the teasing. Meg knew what it entailed but she let him kiss her. She lay on top of him, her heart pressed firmly against hers and their hearts synchronized. One hand caught in her hair, the other on her neck. He was so adorable, so sweet, the type of dreamboy that only existed in fantasy universes, the type every girl wishes for. And he loved her. He certainly wasn't hiding that fact. But did she love him back? That was the question she asked herself over and over. She knew she had strong feelings for him but of what type? Before, she would have perceived him as an incredibly close friend, the brother she never had? But what was he to her now? And as her lips closed over his forehead and darkness overcame her, she drifted into a dreamless sleep with this question still taunting her mind.

 

When she awoke, it was daylight. Bright daylight. The sun shone through the thin curtains, draped over the French windows. She yawned and pulled herself from Clarence's grasp. His hand was still caught in her hair and his shirt had lifted slightly so she could see the perfect line of muscles that really belonged to Jimmy, not too strong but not showing he was completely weak, either. His tanned chest went inwards and outwards with every breath and he breathed in time. As she sat up, he stirred, sitting up, his eyes alive with fear.

"Clarence? What's wrong?"

He breathed, heavily and his heart thudded against her spine. "They're coming."


	10. Gray

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is probably one of the hardest chapters to right in the whole story and there are only two left (the last one's going to be pretty short) so I hope you enjoy.

"Hold on. Who's coming?" She dragged herself out of his way as he jumped up from the sofa.

"We have to go," he only replied.

"OK, that doesn't answer my question. I'm not going anywhere until you tell me who's coming." Meg glared at him but at the same time knew this was urgent.

"The demons. The demons are coming." He took her hands. "I can't let you get hurt." He turned around again with his blue eyes flicking around the room.

"Thanks," said Meg. "But I'm pretty sure I can take care of myself."

"No you can't. You have no idea what you're up against. These are demons Meg, creatures so dangerous, they had to be locked away from human kind."

"Well I'm thrilled that your psychic powers have started working like Mary said they would but I'm not hiding. If this is the end of the world, then I  _am_ going to fight."

Clarence looked up at her again, probably with annoyance at her stubborness. He looked like he was about to argue but then he just sighed and shook his head. He tossed her her leather jacket which up until then had lain strewn over the back of the sofa.

"Put that on. There's snow outside."

"What are you gonna wear?" she asked with a hint of taunting in her voice.

"What do you mean?"

"There's snow outside and you're only gonna be wearing a t-shirt? Won't you get cold?"

"I don't feel cold," he said, plainly.

"Well you're not going out dressed like that. Did I just sound like a mom then?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

"Here, put this on." She picked up the old trench coat from the sofa. "Should keep you warm, even if you don't feel cold." She draped it over his shoulders and left him to put his arms through the sleeves. It was far too big, coming down past his knees, and there was a nasty smudge of what was either barbeque sauce or peanut butter, but it suited him, better than it had on her father.

"How does it look?"

"Surprisingly hot."

"It is quite warm."

She rolled her eyes over what was either an attempt at a bad joke from him, or him not understanding slang again.

"Come on." He held out his hand for her and she stared at it for a few moments.

"Give me a minute." She ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife from the chopping board. It was only a vegetable knife so it was small but it was sharp, with a serrated edge, capable of doing some serious damage. She was about to leave again when she saw a photo pinned to the fridge. It showed Missouri, Ruby and Meg, sitting on a park bench. It had been taken a few months before the car crash, a day when they had had a picnic in the park while her parents travelled to yet another conference. They were a proper family then, whether her real parents were there or not. These were people she loved, truly. And then there was another of Ruby at her college after a few weeks, smiling again, with her arm around Bela. And then Meg with Jo and Sam when they were twelve, with their chubby faces from before they reached their teen years and from the times when Jo still had her hair in pigtails. And then finally, Jess' sleepover party. Seven girls sat up on sleeping bags while Jess' dad took a photo of them, much to what was very clearly, his daughter's disappointment as she covered her face with her blonde, frizzy hair. If they really did die today, she would never see these people again, she would be letting every one of them down. She stood there for just seconds but it felt like hours, just looking at those happy faces. Tears sprang to her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered and then ran straight back to Clarence.

"Is everything alright?" he asked her.

"Yeah, fine." She wiped the tears from her eyes. "Why?"

"You're carrying a knife."

"Protection," she stated.

Suddenly he let out a yelp and held a hand to his head.

"Now I should be asking you if you're alright? What's wrong, migraine?"

"They're nearly here," he said once he had regained his balance. "We're getting out of here right now."

Meg stuffed the knife in her pocket and went straight to the French windows. "You coming or not?" They ran out, through the garden with her heavy boots and his sneakers crunching through the grass, now coated in a thick layer of slush, made from the snow from the night before. The sky was no longer blue but white or gray, in anticipation for what was to come. She vaulted over the back fence and he followed with more effort needed than her. He had not been doing it for years in rebellious attempts to escape from the safety of his home, after all. He fell onto the gravel with the dampness of the ground, soaking through his jeans, and she helped him up. And then they were in the forests that went on for miles behind her home. Passing through beneath trees and sticking close to them in case they saw any movement which normally turned out to be yet another robin. Past the tree where they had carved their name when they were just children. Past the clearing where they used to lie for hours, watching birds and talking, past everything that was familiar to the couple until every tree became the same. It was darker now, despite it being morning, maybe an effect of the heavy tangle of trees that filtered them from sunlight.

"You OK?" she asked him as he held his hand against bark with heavy breathing. She placed her palm over his wrist. His pulser was fast. Dangerously fast. His teeth ground together. He was in agony. "We can stop if you want."

"No," he told her, quickly. "Meg, they're so fast. They're gaining on us."

"OK, OK. Which way do we go?"

"I don't know. You're the one who's been living here sixteen years."

"I've never been this far. You're the one with the magic powers, Harry Potter!" She shouted loud enough that she could be heard throughout the entire forest and Clarence held one of Jimmy's strong hands over her mouth.

"Ssh. They'll hear you." He put his other hand over her shoulder.

"Fine." She put her hands on her hips. "This way." And they retreated but a few steps when she tumbled down a hill with him falling after her. They had fallen straight into a ditch. "Shit!" Meg cursed loudly but this time Clarence did not stop her. He sat staring at her. "What, what's wrong?"

"They're gone."

"What?"

"The demons. I can't sense them anymore. They've gone, they've left us alone."

"So what did you do? Did you use some more of your powers to wipe them all out or something?"

"No. I didn't do anything."

"Well thank God for that." Meg began to struggle her way up the small slope leading to flat ground. "Damn these boots,"s she muttered. As she finally reached the top, a silhouette began to approach her from the distance. No, not one silhouette, two. Two figures coming towards her. She rested her hand over the knife in her pocket. Clarence had told her there were no more demons but there was always a chance he was gone. Her hand relaxed to her side as she made out the blonde curls, whipping around the shorter figure's head, and the short, black bob of the other figure. It was Jo and Tessa.

"Meg, are you alright?" asked Jo. Tessa was silent, beside her.

"I'm...I'm OK."

"OK. Are you gonna tell me why you're outside on Christmas Eve, dressed like that?"

"It's a long story."

"Where's Castiel."

"He's..." she paused to look at Tessa who had caught her eye. She took a moment to read her. She was leaning away from Jo, as far away from her as possible. Jo was the thing she was scared of. And what was Tessa doing here in the first place? She had not believed them about Clarence. Unless someone had forced her to come here. She gasped as she realized the truth, and whipped the knife out from her pocket, holding it against Jo's pale throat. "You're not Jo."

'Jo' laughed and her eyes flashed black. "Hi." She grinned, showing off pointed white teeth. She flicked her wrist and the knife jerked from Meg's grip so that it lay a few meters away.

"I know what you are," said Meg, her voice shaking. "I'm not afraid of you."

"Is that so?" She cupped Meg's face in her hands. "Well you hurt me pretty badly, a few days ago."

Meg stared at her, confused.

"Oh, don't you recognize me? Of course, the body. Never mind. I'll give you a clue, sis."

Meg tilted her head to the side, the way she had seen Clarence do, numerous times. "You were the demon, the one who possessed my sister."

"One experience I certainly didn't enjoy. Such a broken girl, too many thoughts, days away from an overdose. You should be thanking me really. If it weren't for me, she'd be dead now."

"She's in hospital!"

"You can hardly be a good sister. Don't tell me you never noticed there was anything wrong. But not just your sister. We go far further back. In fact, let's say I've been practically watching you and your messed up family since the day you were born, when that Castiel boy first got so attached to you. I was the psychologist who made you forget about your guardian angel, Clarence. I've been there as long as him. I was the one who took him away from you in the first place. I can't say it was easy. That boy's impossible to control, despite him being but a ghost. I thought that once I got my soldiers to kill him, he'd be gone for good."

"You? You killed him? He was harmless. He was just a baby. Why?"

"That child was a risk to all of us. We sensed his power the second he came into existence. If he took the wrong path, he could end up wiping us all out. But yes, as a baby, he was harmless. But eventually, he would grow. Eventually, he would discover his true power, his true purpose. The results could have been catastrophic."

"And you killed him."

"Not only him." She flicked Jo's tongue over her lips. "Thousands. Anyone who gets in the way of my army. You know about the army, don't you? Those rare few children with special abilities. We've been tortured for millennia, down in Hell. Which is why we deserve this world, far more than you. I killed your parents you know?"

Meg at that point stretched out her arm, ready to punch the demon in the face, no matter how much it would or would not hurt but the creature wearing Jo's face, snapped her fingers. Meg froze. Her muscles froze. She was completely paralyzed. "Bitch!" she yelled, glad to know her sharp tongue still worked.

"Only words, dear. Only words. You can't hurt me. You thought your parents died in a car crash. How sweet. No. They died screaming as I broke each of their bones, one by one. Luke was dead by the time I dumped their bodies back in that car but Lilith, poor woman, choking on her own tongue and just praying to see you one last time as I drove them straight into another car."

"No!" Meg screamed and then calmed herself. "So what, you leave a china doll at the bedside of your victims?"

"You're learning fast, my dear. Humans get scared of the smallest and most harmless things. Spiders, snakes, clowns. Dolls seemed just right, really."

"You were in my parents' room last night, weren't you? Why?"

"Your phone of course. Where else would I have found the addresses of all your friends?" At that moment, more figures came to stand beside them. Friends, faces she recognized. Sam, Charlie, Missouri, Anna, Jess, Mary and Ruby. And then, others, people she knew or had known from school, distant family members. "A demon for every single one," demon-Jo told her. Sam and Charlie grabbed one of her arms each. "Tell me where Castiel is."

Meg firmly shook her head. "No."

"Come on sweetie, it's not much."

"Still no. Thanks for the offer but, to be honest, I'd rather die."

"Oh, still making jokes, even up until now. But no matter. Soon, I will be you."

"What? Wait, you want to possess me? Not gonna happen."

"Oh, I know you're not going to let me. You're far too strong. Ms Mosely had taught you well. I mean, no powers at all yet you have one of the highest mental strengths we've ever seen. Your gift at reading people, it's remarkable. I've wanted you for years." She rubbed a hand down Meg's cheek and she flinched. "But to kill you, your body would be all mine. And, all the information would still be in your head, even where your little friend is." She pointed behind her. Up until now, the area back there had been blocked but now, a small pond was visible. The two demons, with her in their grip, began to drag her over to it. She struggled but whatever spell this demon had put on her had frozen her completely.

"Don't worry. Soon it will be all over." The Jo-demon nodded and the two other demons place her in the water. It was freezing and a shiver ran up her spine. The Charlie-demon placed a hand on her head and pushed her beneath the surface. For a few second, mud collected together in her mouth and then she closed her mouth, fighting against the water that pushed to enter. An average human could hold their breath for a bit over a minute. She calculated fast while counting down. She had thirty seconds left, twenty. Her feet began to move again as she struggled under the hand that refused to let her go. Above came their evil leader's cackling from her friend's body. She could see Jo's face, blurry, staring down at her. And even as the water pounded at her ears, she could hear her taunting with a malicious smile on her face.

"I can see inside your friend's mind, Meg. You're a bitch. You were to her and all your friends, both before and after your parents' dreadful accident. You treated them all like trash, you pushed everyone away. Your parents thought so too. They had to deal with your rebellious streak for sixteen years with your imaginary friends and your constant running away. They were probably glad once they could finally die!"

Meg strained with all her might and pushed up, knocking Charlie's hand out of the way. She was breathing, she was alive. And, she was wet. She scrambled onto the river bank. "I know the way I treated them. I know how hard I must have been to live with with my moods and  my bullying them. So what if I am a bitch? Then I am a bitch, and I'm proud of it, too. But if I die today, I'm going to die knowing that my friends and Clarence are safe and that I've gotten rid of you for good!" And then she advanced on her and kicked out, she kicked out, hitting the Jo-demon in the face. She was glad to see blood pouring from her nose. Thank God for high heeled boots. At that moment, every self defence move she had ever learned became useful for once. She kept her elbows out, creating a shield around herself just like they taught her and struck another demon in the face. In those few seconds she got, she rushed back to where she had dropped her knife and picked it up, pointing it straight at the Jo-demon's face.

"I'm not afraid, you know. I will do it."

"No you won't. You're too scared of hurting your friends. I guess I'll just have to do it for you." She plucked the knife from Meg's hand and slashed it across her own stomach. Blood began to spill out, staining her t-shirt scarlet and dripping to the ground. Unless she got a blood transfusion, once she had lost 40% of blood, she was bound to die, well Jo was while the demon would still own her body.

"It's over Megs." Meg flinched at her nickname being used by this monster. "What, you thought that I could be killed by a silly little knife? That is too adorable. Tell me where Castiel is, now or I will kill each one of your friends."

"No!" A yell came from the ditch she had fallen into,as Clarence emerged over the top. He raced towards them. "You want me, here I am. But _leave her be._ Leave her and all her friends. I'll come with you."

"Clarence, no."

"Ah, how sweet. Your boyfriend's trying to protect you. Look at that, Meg."

"No. If you're going, I come too," said Meg. "I think I can survive Hell."

"Meg, you have to stay here," Clarence told her.

"What, because I'm a girl? Because I'm too weak?"

"No. Because you need to stay here, to look after your family. You survived six years without me. I would think you could do that again." He turned.

"Wait, Clarence. I-I love you." It was out. She knew it right there, that second. She did love him, no matter how much she had denied it before. And he loved her back.

"I know," he said, breathing deeply. "But you love these people here more. They're family to you. I think that's more important than some boy you have a crush on, right? They need you. Without you here, they'll die." And then he looked back at the Jo-demon. "I'm ready," he said and close his eyes. Jo-demon smiled for a second and then began to choke. All the demons began to choke. And then they screamed. Screaming like they were being ripped apart. And maybe, whatever was happening to them felt like that. Their eyes flashed black and black smoke began to pour from their mouths. It sunk into the ground, poisoning the earth. And then they were gone. Each one of her friends collapsed. Meg stared at Clarence who went straight to lean beside Jo and he placed her hand on Jo's stomach. She glowed and then sat up. Meg stared at her stomach. Apart from the bloodstains on her shirt, there was no sign she had ever been hurt.

"I'm so sorry, Meg. I'm sorry I didn't believe you," said Tessa.

"Yeah, Tessa. Not a good time. Clarence? What did you do?" She went and stood beside him.

"I sent them back to Hell," he said solemnly. "But they'll be back. I healed Jo."

"How?"

"I have power. Just like Mary and Missouri said. And I can finally use it."

"Now? What the Hell is so special about now that means you finally discover how to use it?"

"You," he said.

"Castiel," Mary called from behind them. Now, each of her friends woke up from the sleep the demons had put them into.

"You can go and see your mom now," Meg told Clarence. "You can meet your brother."

"No. This is never going to be over. The demons will keep coming back. People will keep coming back. There's only one way to end this."

"And how is that exactly?"

"For me to die. Properly this time." That was not the answer she had expected.

"What?"

"You heard me."

"No, you can't do this."

"I think it's time we gave Jimmy back his body now." His pupils dilated. And then, Clarence kissed her, right on her lips, and this time, she felt the passion as much as him. She pushed her face up against his, she rubbed her hands over the bones of his cheek and sobbed. When the kiss ended, Jimmy's limp body collapsed to the ground. Still alive.

She turned with her mind screaming at her. Missouri was staring at her, shocked. "Megan." She used her full name. "Your eyes. They're blue."

Meg gasped. And then a voice spoke in the back of her head, echoing around her skull. "Goodbye, Megan Rachel Masters." Clarence's voice. She knew it, despite him not using Jimmy's this time. And then she felt it. The explosion inside her as his soul was extinguished. He was gone. She knelt down on the ground, crying. He was gone. Clarence was gone. Her friend. Her lover. Her unicorn. Her angel.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for cheesy/sad ending and don't worry there's going to be one more chapter, next week.


	11. Gold

**There are a thousand words I need to say,**

**But I just won't get the chance.**

**If only we had one more day,**

**Though everyone knows that nothing lasts.**

**We had our time in the blink of an eye,**

**And already it's fading away.**

**They say that love will never die,**

**But we didn't even make it halfway.**

**Two hearts as one entwined by desire.**

**Losing you was more than hard,**

**Our friendship thrown to a blazing fire,**

**It broke my soul into a thousand shards.**

_3 Months Later_

 Meg slammed the book shut, partly with pain and partly with the boredom of the hours they'd spent doing this.

"But you can't stop me doing this Meg!"

"I'm not stopping you doing anything. You go to your...emo party and read poetry and stalk Edward Cullen.

"Hey." Tessa hit her. "Don't call him that. And I can't go alone."

"You seriously want me there, at some college poetry reading? It's bad enough having two juniors crashing the party." She leaned back against the bookshelf and pressed her hand to her forehead, yawning.

"Well I don't know. Maybe you could put in a good word for me?"

"We've already been over this Tessa. I  _don't_ know him. He dated Ruby briefly. The closest I got to meeting him was hearing her bed creaking next door when I was trying to get to sleep." She turned away. "Could you two stop with that lovey dovey crap? We're in a public place!" She groaned as Jess kissed Sam on the cheek. There was hardly a reason to be embarrassed of course as many students from their school would come here, to the library, during afternoon hours, a quiet place to make out without being disturbed. She had not counted exactly but she could guess that, today, her and Tessa were among the few, actually reading.

"Meg, can you please just_"

Wow, she sure had missed this. These small fights between her and her friends. The joking around and play fighting. It was good to be back.

"OK, one, it's Friday. That's movie night for me and Missouri. And two, I've had to spend the whole afternoon book browsing with you. Just read some random poem. 'My blood is red but my soul is blue, I'm so depressed, and you are too.' That kind of thing."

"That was incredibly offensive. Not all goths are like that."

"I'm not saying you are but he certainly is. Screw this, I'm leaving. Enjoy." She waved goodbye to Tessa and made her way out, hopping over the legs of another couple just like Sam and Jess although far more intimate.

There were many theories about what happened that day, on Christmas. Some say possibly a virus, maybe a mass sleepwalking Sam likes to joke. Only a select few know what really happened, even Jess, Anna and Charlie don't know the full story and no one's really supposed to talk about it. Meg expected she would find the first month hard. But it was OK. She had dealt with it. She had gone through enough sadness as it was after her parents and now, at least she knew their murderer was back in Hell, where she belonged. But he was still gone.

She had started hanging out with her friends, again. She visited Ruby in hospital, once a week until she was ready to leave. Jimmy asked her out after a rumor started that he had been kidnapped on the three days before Christmas and she had rescued him. Most people, along with her, laughed the story off but he certainly believed it, referring to her as his saviour and sadly turned down by Meg, saying she had moved on. She still remembered the way she had kissed him, well not him, but Clarence in his body. Kissing the real Jimmy could just be a painful reminder of what was lost.

And then there was Mary. A few weeks later and once Christmas vacation was over, she had invited her round for tea. She wanted all the details, the gaps from while the demon had been possessing her, everything she had missed in the years she thought he was gone for good. Another two years until she told Sam, she said. She was still too scared of how he would take it.

Meg hopped onto the pavement, outside their house. It was certainly hot for April with a golden sun shining down on her waves of hair so they looked almost red. Blossoms sprouted on the trees lining the streets and drifted to the ground. Meg slammed the door as she went into the house, just as any other teenager would, and dumped her bag at the foot of the stairs. The house was filled with a cheesy smell.

"Missouri, I'm home!"

"I'm in the kitchen."

Meg went in, facing Missouri's back who was serving macaroni cheese into two bowls. She rushed to the cabinet to get down two glasses.

"How was school?"

"Fine."

"How were your friends?"

Meg turned her head around, tilted to the side. "Also fine."

"Do you have homework?"

"Yes. Do we have any coke?"

"I'm not letting you have any of that disgusting, sugary stuff. There's some diet in the fridge."

Meg followed Missouri's instructions, unscrewing the lid to the bottle and pouring it into her glass. She watched the fizz rise, almost to the very top so that the edge glistened, and then sink again.

"Heya Megs." Meg looked round. A video chat window was opened on the computer that rested on the kitchen table with Ruby's face filling the screen. "I've been here for ages, waiting for you to get home."

"And she's been a right pain in the ass," Missouri added. "Almost as if she were here, standing right beside us."

"Hello Meg." Bela's heavily made up face appeared next to Ruby's and she spoke in her lilting English accent. "We're having Chinese."

"I have to say, Missouri. That macaroni cheese looks delicious," Ruby said, cheekily.

"Don't be ungrateful, young lady. Life ain't all takeaways. You'll realize that in a few years, once you've left college and you're a proper adult."

"I guess I'll have to enjoy it while I can, then," replied Ruby. Everything was back to normal again. 'Peace was restored in the universe,' as Missouri had often joked.

"Oh, Ruby," Bela squealed. "Tell Meg the good news!"

"What? What good news?"

Ruby smiled. "A few nights ago, I was at a sorority party_"

"Drinking were you? And on a weeknight too?"

"Shut up and let me tell the story. And yeah I might've had a little bit to drink. But I was wearing your dress. The evening dress you made for me."

"Oh that old thing. Took me less than a week to make. I knew you hated it. I could make you a better one if you wanted."

"No, it's great. This girl, some party girl from there, she asks me where I bought it. I told her my sister made it for me and she takes a few pictures. Anyway, turns out her mom works for a big fashion college. Really famous. And they teach you other things there, too. So this morning I got an email from that college. They're interested in having you there. They say 'Miss Masters is extremely talented.'"

"Oh my God. Are you sure it's for real?"

"We'll keep you updated. Well, this has been fun but we've got to go now. We have guests over."

"Men by any chance?" Missouri asked and Meg 'oooooed'. Ruby and Bela shared a grin and then nodded.

"Use protection!" Meg shouted as the screen went black. Missouri gave her a stern look. Meg widened her eyes in an innocent sort of way. "So. Movie night?"

 

Meg collapsed onto her bed with her laptop resting on her knees. It was way past ten now, past her bedtime, Missouri would complain, but she was at least in bed. It was safe within these blue walls. Safe now the threat was gone. As she opened the screen, she caught the reflection of her brown eyes, faintly against the facebook homepage. They were brown now again but occasionally, very rarely but still sometimes, Jo would swear her eyes had turned blue.

Two new friend requests. She clicked accept on the first and decline on the other. And five new messages. The first from Jimmy, asking her out again of course. She typed a polite reply, turning him down. Three more from Tessa, updating her on the events of the poetry reading, the third seemed to be drunken anger at her for not coming. She rolled her eyes, hoping this would take Tessa's eyes away from the emo-college-boy-who-once-slept-with-Ruby. And then the final message. It had been sent forty minutes ago. She stared at it for a good few seconds before blinking and then even having to double check. And then she stood up. It was impossible. It couldn't be. Mary had told her so, Missouri had checked if he was gone for good this time. They had both explained it to her and she had accepted it and now...She looked at the screen one more time, just to check if it was her imagination.

_To the girl with the brown eyes and the golden soul. If you're reading this, thank you for putting my soul back together from a thousand shards._

This could only mean one thing: He was still alive.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I'm sorry but this is where I'm going to finish the story and I'm so sorry (no I'm not because I'm evil). Also sorry about the INCREDIBLY cheesy ending. Thank you to everyone who has taken their time to read this story and leave kudos and thank you to Hannah fr providing help with some of the quotes.


End file.
